- We all know what that meeting is about. Even if we don’t expect to get fired, we see it on the calendar and think, “Huh, something’s up.” If HR is in the meeting, we know the minute they appear in the room or on the screen: We’re canned.
- HR is not your friend. They roll out the welcome mat when you start that new job, but they become notoriously “Don’t let the screen door hit you” on the way out. Don’t trust them. It’s okay to use them, but do not trust them.
- At will employment means workers are fucked. It might as well be called “at whim” employment given how capricious it allows employers to be. It provides employers with a blanket excuse to let you go. You’ll never know for sure if it was ageism or sexism or racism or homophobia or or or because they can just give you the shove. The burden is on you to prove the racist ableist sexist some other -ist bullshit.
- Employers want you to be compliant. They really really really don’t like it when you question policy, practices, anything. Lots of us are fired or pushed out simply for questioning why things are they way they are or saying no to toxic behaviors. In a neat trick, when you name the problem, you become the problem. Firing you is easier for your employer than firing the company’s abusive customer.
- The higher up the food chain you are the more power you have to negotiate your departure terms. Director? Corner office? You might actually get to increase your severance package. Everyone else? Ahahahaha. No. Good luck with that.
- Do. Not. Sign. The. Papers. Take them home and read them after you’ve calmed down. Anyone who asks you to sign something in your freshly canned state is engaging in bad practices, and also, is an asshole.
- Your boss is a coward. They outsource the hard conversations to someone else, they hide behind policy to avoid telling you the truth, and they’re protecting their own feelings which is weird, because hey, at the end of the day they will still have a regular paycheck. If your boss gets all emo, feel free to say, “It must be really hard on you to not know if you can afford your health insurance. Oh wait, that’s me.”
- Don’t be your job. Be a rebel knitter. Make off balance ceramics. Put your kids on the extended bike and take them to farm league ball park. Rescue a dog or cat or marmot. Keep your heart, your soul, the stuff that makes you tick, separate from the work you do for The Man. Do not let them have your fire, that’s for you.
- Own your abilities. Most of the time, your skill level had nothing to do with your getting canned. You were not just good at your job, you were great at it. You won awards. People loved working with you. You owned that shit. You still do. Don’t let those fuckers take that from you.
- Tell your story. It’s exhausting carrying around the shame and embarrassment we feel from getting canned. No more victim blaming, especially when we do it to ourselves. The loss, the grief, the disruption we feel when this happens to us is real and it’s okay to talk about it. I want you to share with me, of course I do, but mostly, I want you to not let the weight of getting canned make you feel ashamed.
What would you add? Leave your terrible takeaways in the comments, please.